What Is 'Black and White' Thinking and Why Is It So Common?
- Sarah Cosway
- Mar 2, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Overthinking 101 - part 3 of 11
Table of Contents
This is the third post in a series where I am exploring the everyday thinking traps that can quietly shape, and sometimes sabotage, how we see ourselves, others, and the world around us.
This article focuses on ‘Black and White Thinking’, one of the most common cognitive distortions that fuels overthinking and emotional burnout.
If you haven't caught the earlier posts, then you might want to start with the overview: Overthinking 101- Your Thoughts Aren't Always Facts.
It lays the groundwork for understanding why our thoughts aren't always as reliable as they might seem, and how common patterns, like 'Black and White' thinking, can take us further and further away from clarity.
What is 'Black and White' Thinking, and Why is it so Rigid?
We're talking about a very common thinking trap here, and it goes by various names:
'All or Nothing' thinking;
'Black and White' thinking; and
'Binary' thinking.
No matter what label we put on it, the underlying pattern is the same: we're seeing situations in extremes. It's either a complete success or an utter failure, with no space for the messy, muddled middle.
This is a very rigid thinking style, which can cause us to become trapped in unrealistic expectations.
This either/or mindset blocks us from recognising life’s more subtle shades, the in-between moments where growth and experience live.
This thinking habit is like a light switch - flipping either 'on' or 'off'.
But the problem is that life isn't lit in such stark contrast. What it really needs is a dimmer switch that adjusts depending on the moment and mood.
How 'Black and White' Thinking Strains Our Relationships, Both at Home and at Work
This 'Binary' mindset can show up and cause problems in many parts of life. But home and work are where it tends to stir up the most trouble:
In relationships, it often shuts the door on the possibility of compromise. If everything feels like a win or a loss, then there is no room for negotiation. A small disagreement can quickly escalate to feel like the end of the relationship, because the 'Binary' mindset tells you that if it’s not perfect harmony, then it's a complete mismatch...there is no room for 'normal' conflict.
In a workplace environment, this mindset can really dial up pressure, because every task can feel like a test; anything less than perfect gets marked as a failure, and that's an open invitation for your self-critic to weigh in on the conversation too. One awkward moment in a meeting ends up overshadowing everything else. So even if most of it went well, you still come out feeling like it was a total flop, and your critical inner voice starts telling you to expect your P45 in the post.
Relationships and careers don’t run off simple ‘on/off’ switches; they need the flexibility of dimmers so we can adjust and adapt.
How to Identify and Replace Absolute Language in 'Black and White' Thinking
The language we use can make a huge difference to this thinking habit.
Listen out to see if you find yourself using 'absolute' words, such as ‘never’, ‘always’, ‘should’, and ‘must’.
If you notice that you are using this kind of language a lot, then try replacing the words with something more flexible, such as ‘sometimes’, ‘often’ and ‘maybe’.
There is some crossover between this thinking habit and the 'should/must' style of thinking (discussed here), along with the perfectionistic mindset (discussed here), as the language we use to speak to ourselves is very similar.
The important thing is not to give yourself a hard time when you start noticing that you're using this language. Noticing and acknowledging them is just the first step in helping yourself.
Next comes broadening your view, stepping back and seeing things from different angles in order to loosen the grip of ‘All or Nothing’ thinking.
How to Overcome 'Black and White' Thinking by Expanding Perspective
Another way of managing this thinking habit is to pause and give your thoughts a chance to breathe; slow the moment down and hold it up to the light from a few different angles.
Then try to write down as many different alternative explanations or perspectives as you possibly can for what is going on...be curious and brainstorm a list of what-else-could-be-happening possibilities.
Reflecting in this way helps loosen the grip of this common cognitive distortion.
This will probably be quite difficult at first, so it can be helpful to bounce ideas off other people, as getting their point of view can be really helpful in identifying multiple viewpoints of the same situation.
In doing this, you're not just thinking differently, you're putting your dimmer switch into action.
You are softening the harsh contrast so that you can start to make out details in the middle ground.
How to Overcome 'Black and White' Thinking with Small Daily Shifts in Perspective
Just like muscles, your thought patterns can become more flexible with consistent practice (it's a bit like doing mental exercises).
This is due to something called neuroplasticity, which is a term for the amazing ability that our brains have to change and rewire themselves; you can read more about this here (Walking New Paths: A Metaphor for Shaping the Mind).
Neuroplasticity is like laying new footpaths through your mental landscape. Each small step, like a journaling prompt or daily reflection, gradually strengthens a new route.
And as your thinking becomes more flexible, you’ll find it easier to spot subtleties in challenging situations.
But this will take a conscious effort and committed action!
Notice and acknowledge your initial 'Black and White' interpretation and ask yourself what could inhabit the grey area in between; explore the possibility that not everything sits neatly at one extreme or the other.
Establish a regular reflective habit: daily mindset habits are practical CBT techniques that can help you shift out of 'All or Nothing' thinking.
Repetition rewires the pattern, and it’s easier to start with the small stuff before trying to tackle the big issues.
This is because that helps to build your confidence as you go; there will undoubtedly be setbacks and challenges as you are working on developing a new perspective.
But this is all part and parcel of building up your emotional resilience, it's not a sign that you’re doing it wrong.
And just like building your physical muscles by learning to lift weights, you wouldn't start with the heaviest barbell, so start with everyday irritations (e.g., missed texts, awkward silences, or an imperfect dinner) rather than jumping straight into the biggest issues.
These small daily shifts are mental flexibility training; they gently interrupt the habit of Binary thinking and help rewire your perspective over time
Beating 'Black or White' Thinking with Self-Compassion and Kindness
Keep kindness in your toolkit...not just for others, but especially for yourself!
Self-compassion is an essential part of loosening the grip of 'Black and White' thinking because it gives you space for growth without judgment.
Remember that slip-ups are inevitable, and be willing to forgive yourself when old patterns sneak back in (because they will from time to time).
Notice the slip, name how it feels, then refocus your attention onto what is important to you and why you are trying out this new way of being.
Every time you respond with compassion, you're turning down the harsh glare of that inner light switch and quietly refusing to flip it back to harsh judgement.
This article is one part of a series tackling unhelpful thinking patterns that can contribute to anxiety and low self-esteem, along with a host of other challenges such as stress, overwhelm, and low mood.
To find out about the other common thinking traps, you can explore the full 'Overthinking 101' series by following the links below:
Critical Self  - the tendency to paint ourselves in the least flattering of lights
Overgeneralising  - the tendency to take one negative event and extrapolate it to everything
The Mental Filter  - the tendency to focus only on the negative aspects of a situation whilst filtering out any positives
Mountains & Molehills  - the tendency to magnify negatives and minimise positives
Mind Reading  - the tendency to assume that we know what other people are thinking, and usually then assuming it's something negative
Catastrophising  - the tendency to assume the worst possible outcome will happen, even in situations where it's not very likely
Shoulds & Musts  - the tendency to hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations and rules, that invariably set us up for failure
Judgments & Labelling - the tendency to attach negative labels to ourselves and others based on isolated events
Emotional Reasoning  - the tendency to believe that our emotions are an accurate representation of the reality of a situation
Glossary: Not Sure What Something Means?
Some therapy-speak phrases pop up a lot, but they’re not always crystal clear; so here’s a quick, plain-English explainer.
Cognitive Distortion | Tricky thought traps that twist how we see ourselves, others, or the world. They're not facts, but even so, they can feel true in the moment. |
All or Nothing Thinking / Black and White Thinking / Binary Thinking | Seeing things in extremes. Win or lose, all good or all bad. There's no room for subtlety, nuance, or middle ground. |
Reflective Habit | A routine activity (such as journaling, voice notes, or chats with a trusted person) that helps you to slow down and look at your thoughts from new and different angles. |
Neuroplasticity | This is your brain’s built-in superpower! It has the ability to change, rewire, and form new pathways through repetition and experience. It's like mental muscle-building. |
Self-Compassion | Treating yourself with the same kindness that you’d offer a friend (especially when you mess up, struggle, or fall back into old patterns). It's not about letting yourself off the hook, you still take responsibility, but with kindness rather than harshness. |
FAQ: What People Are Asking About ‘All or Nothing’ Thinking (You Might Be Too)
What is Black and White Thinking?
Why is Black or White Thinking Bad for You?
What Causes Black and White Thinking?
Is Black and White Thinking a Symptom of Anxiety or ADHD?
How Do I Stop Black and White Thinking?
Can You Change Black and White Thinking?
If your mind still feels like a battleground, that’s okay. Many people feel the same.
Support is within reach.
About the author: Sarah Cosway is a BABCP-accredited Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist with over a decade of experience working in mental health both within the NHS and in private practice. She offers tailored CBT in a compassionate, collaborative environment, empowering clients to build resilience and manage their mental wellbeing with confidence.
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