Why Do I Blow Things Out of Proportion? How to Stop Turning Molehills Into Mountains
- Sarah Cosway | BABCP
- Mar 23, 2022
- 8 min read
Updated: May 6
Overthinking 101 - part 6 of 11
Table of Contents
Here we are at part 6 of Overthinking 101 already!
In this post, we'll explore why we sometimes blow small things out of proportion, and what we can do to stop it from happening so often.
You don't need to have read the previous 5 posts to make sense of this one, but to get the most out of it, I can recommend catching up on the others.
Especially the first one, which explains how these mental habits quietly shape the way we feel.
If you have been following the series, then you’ll know that our thoughts have sneaky ways of distorting our reality with thinking habits that start as coping strategies. Over time, they can become so familiar that we hardly notice them.
Unfortunately, though, these ways of coping can end up skewing how we see ourselves and the world, leaving us overreacting to minor things, turning everyday worries into overwhelming mountains, and leading to additional distress and suffering.
But once we spot the stories our minds give us, then we can work towards a healthier, more balanced perspective.
Think of it as being like adjusting a mirror in a funhouse. When we see the distortions for what they are, we can begin to view ourselves and the world more clearly.
Naming the Habit: What It Means to Blow Things Out of Proportion
When we blow things out of proportion, it means that we’ve unintentionally exaggerated how serious or threatening something really is.
It's not that our mind just imagined it up from nowhere, and usually, there is a grain of truth in whatever it is that is troubling us.
But we can end up convinced that some relatively minor problem is, or is going to be, a full-blown catastrophe for us, a pattern also known as catastrophising.
This can then lead to us feeling anxious and overwhelmed, ultimately reducing our confidence.
We might assume the worst will happen, or imagine others judging us far more harshly than they actually are.
So the trigger is real, but our interpretation and emotional response is magnified out of proportion to the real danger or threat in the situation.
This habit isn't one we form on purpose.
It often develops as a response to stress or uncertainty in our lives and then becomes automatic, so we're often completely unaware that we're doing it.
Like the other habits in the Overthinking 101 series, this one often flies under the radar, quietly fueling the habit of blowing things out of proportion and distorting how we feel and react to the world around us.
Now that we've recognised and named the habit, it can be helpful to explore what fuels it.
Why We Blow Things Out of Proportion: Understanding the Triggers
Understanding what triggers this habit is the first step in learning how to stop blowing things out of proportion before our emotions spiral.
When we feel anxious, stressed, or uncertain about something, our inner meerkat goes into alert mode and starts to scan for danger, which is one reason why we end up overreacting to small things that later seem like no big deal at all.
It's our mind's way of trying to help and protect us!
The problem is, though, that it can misinterpret the actual level of risk in the situation, and so blows it out of proportion to make sure that we pay attention to it and keep ourselves safe.
So our inner meerkat hijacks our thinking and magnifies the threat, before the rational brain gets a chance to step in and see if it's not as bad as it seems.
If we've had a challenging and negative experience in the past, then we will be sensitised to similar triggers in the present, so even if the current situation is milder, it can be enough to activate the threat system in our brain.
We're subconsciously bracing for history to repeat itself, interpreting these new events through the lens of the old wounds.
This is a classic example of emotional reasoning, where we assume something must be true simply because it feels true.
Life is uncertain, and often things are out of our control. Sometimes, our brains' way of coping with this is to "fill in the gaps" in uncertain situations where we don't have all the information.
We have a natural tendency to lean towards worst-case scenarios rather than best-case, a kind of glass-half-empty thinking that paints even neutral situations in the most negative of lights.
This is at the heart of catastrophising, one of the most common thinking habits to crop up when we're anxious or overwhelmed.
Overreacting can feel like a way of regaining some sense of preparedness or control, even if it turns out to be unhelpful in the long run.
But it can be even simpler than that. When we ruminate (i.e., go over and over things in our heads), small issues can snowball simply through the constant replay, which is how we can end up making mountains out of molehills without even realising it.
When we're ruminating, the more attention we give to a worry, the more real and urgent it can feel, even if it hasn't changed at all.
It's like you're sending a signal to your inner meerkat that this must really be something that's dangerous because you're paying it so much attention.
All Eyes on Yourself? Blowing Mistakes Out of Proportion
When it comes to thinking about ourselves, this kind of overthinking often shows up as inflating the positive attributes of others around us and putting ourselves down by comparison, and is driven by self-critical thinking.
We all hold deep core beliefs about ourselves, and sometimes these may be negative, such as "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not likable".
When we hold these kinds of beliefs about ourselves, we are more likely to interpret small setbacks as major failures, and these kinds of thinking errors can lead us to blow mistakes out of all proportion.
And when we minimise our positives or dismiss our own resilience, then every challenge can feel overwhelming and impossible, because we simply don't believe we can handle it.
Being humble is one thing, but minimising our own positive attributes to the point that we're straying into the territory of low self-esteem is not only emotionally distressing but is also detrimental to our long-term wellbeing.
If your inner meerkat is stuck in "danger mode", let's have a look at how to switch it back to "safe".
Making Mountains Out of Molehills? How to Stop Overreacting and Start Rebalancing Your Thoughts
Using the reflective questions from my previous post (Why Do I Always Focus on the Negative?), you can start to gently challenge unhelpful thinking patterns and the way your mind is interpreting things.
Are you seeing the situation as it really is, or has your inner meerkat added a dramatic soundtrack and flashing lights, blowing things out of all proportion?
The questions will help you explore whether there might be a more balanced or compassionate way of looking at things, especially when catastrophising is chipping away at your self-esteem.
It's not about trying to pretend that everything's fine when it's not, but about stepping back and asking yourself, "is this thought helpful?", "is it true?", "is there another way of seeing this that doesn't leave me feeling so defeated?".
This kind of gentle questioning is the start of mental rebalancing, not denial.
Over time, this kind of reflective practice can help you shift from a catastrophising pattern of thinking to a more calming and compassionate one.
You're effectively giving your inner meerkat the reassuring pat that it needs to stop scanning the horizon for disaster.
Even once we’ve challenged the thought, we can still feel like we’re spinning; so, how do we stop spiralling when we feel overwhelmed?
Grounding the Emotion: How to Calm Down When Anxiety Takes Over
Even when we've reframed our perspective, it's normal to still feel the intensity of the emotions and worry that we might spiral.
Unfortunately, it's not like flicking a switch.
Our minds might tell us that it’s not working, or that we’ve failed, but lingering discomfort is perfectly normal because strong emotions need physical calming signals, not just rational thoughts.
That inner meerkat needs gentle stroking as well as calming words to be able to settle down.
This is where grounding comes in. It's a way of 'hacking' your biology to help.
It doesn't have to be complicated; the main thing is to connect to the here and now using your senses.
Breathe slowly, press your feet into the floor, and really notice the sensation.
This tells your nervous system you’re safe, helping to slow spiralling thoughts and emotions.
It's not going to instantly get rid of the feelings you're experiencing, but it can soothe you enough so that you don't escalate to high anxiety or panic.
Quick Grounding Techniques to Try
5-4-3-2-1 reset | Name 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and take 1 deep breath. |
Feet on the floor | Push your feet firmly down, and notice how it feels - textures, temperature, and pressure. |
Temperature shift | Hold something cool or warm in your hands and focus on the sensation. |
Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4; repeat a few times. |
Acknowledge Your Strengths and Boost Your Self-Esteem
Another helpful exercise is to make a list of positive attributes that you find attractive in others, then go through this list and try to recall examples of times when you have demonstrated these.
It won't be easy because our minds seem to naturally resist recognising positive things about ourselves, which is why it helps to start out thinking about other people and only then reflecting on yourself.
Once you have done this, try keeping a journal for two weeks to record on a daily basis three different examples where you have demonstrated examples of qualities from the list - write down exactly what you did to illustrate which positive quality you are demonstrating.
After the two weeks have passed, reflect on whether you notice any difference to how you are feeling and how your outlook compares to before you started.
Be Kind to Your Mind to Loosen the Grip of Overthinking
And as always don’t forget to show kindness to yourself! It can be especially difficult to do this when doing the exercise above if we haven't already sorted out our inner critics discussed in my earlier post!
Glossary: Not Sure What Something Means?
Some therapy-speak phrases pop
Frequently Asked Questions
This article is the sixth part of a series that tackles unhelpful thinking habits that contribute to anxiety and low self-esteem, along with a host of other challenges such as stress, overwhelm, and low mood.
To find out about the other common thinking traps, you can explore the full 'Overthinking 101' series by following the links below:
Critical Self - the tendency to paint ourselves in the least flattering of lights
Black & White Thinking - the tendency to see things in extremes, with no space for nuance...a situation is either a complete success or a total failure
Overgeneralising - the tendency to take one negative event and extrapolate it to everything
The Mental Filter - the tendency to focus only on the negative aspects of a situation whilst filtering out any positives
Mountains & Molehills - the tendency to magnify negatives and minimise positives
Mind Reading - the tendency to assume that we know what other people are thinking, and usually then assuming it's something negative
Catastrophising - the tendency to assume the worst possible outcome will happen, even in situations where it's not very likely
Shoulds & Musts - the tendency to hold ourselves to unrealistic expectations and rules, that invariably set us up for failure
Judgements & Labelling - the tendency to attach negative labels to ourselves and others based on isolated events
Emotional Reasoning - the tendency to believe that our emotions are an accurate representation of the reality of a situation
About the author: Sarah Cosway is a BABCP-accredited Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist with over a decade of experience working in mental health both within the NHS and in private practice. She offers tailored CBT in a compassionate, collaborative environment, empowering clients to build resilience and manage their mental wellbeing with confidence.
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