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The Frustration of Knowing but Not Doing: Understanding the Knowledge-Action Gap
How many times have you told yourself that you know what you should be doing but you’re just not doing it?
Every so often a client will comment that they assume, as I am a therapist, I must have my life sorted and be able to apply all my CBT skills perfectly to my own life — but nothing could be further from the truth!
Gaining insight and putting it into action are two different skills — it’s a universal challenge, and therapists struggle just as much as their clients do. Therapists have therapists too!
Recognising why we can often struggle to act on our knowledge, let’s now examine a common misconception, which is that mere awareness is enough to spark change.
The Illusion of Awareness - Why Simply Knowing Isn't Enough for Change
When we first gain insight into an issue it can feel like action, but awareness is just the first step.
It’s true, we can’t do something about something unless we know what that something is, and while having that ‘Aha’ moment is very rewarding for our brains, real change needs to be behavioural as well as cognitive…that’s why there is the ‘B’ in CBT.
If we've debunked the myth that simply knowing something leads to change, then what are the actual barriers that stop us from translating insight into action?
Common Barriers to Turning Insight into Action - Overcoming the Knowing-Doing Gap
If insight alone were enough, we'd all be thriving. So what actually holds us back from turning awareness into action?
Emotional Avoidance: Change often means stepping outside of our comfort zone. At the very least that will bring us a degree of discomfort, but in some cases it may be sufficiently intense to be emotionally painful…this will be enough to stop us from taking action and send us scuttling back to the safety of the comfort zone.
Self-Criticism & Shame: For many of us, our inner-narrator takes a very harsh view and tells us stories such as “I should be better than this”. Castigating ourselves and perceiving ourselves as already a failure contributes to keeping us stuck. It can lead to the perspective that we’re never going to be able to make a difference, so what’s the point in even trying.
Cognitive Overload: As a species, we tend to be very ‘mind-full’ rather than ‘mindful’. It’s all too easy to get caught up in cycles of over-thinking and under-doing. It’s not uncommon to find ourselves planning something to the nth degree because our mind gives us the story that we need to be certain of what we’re doing before we start — but this can lead to us becoming totally overwhelmed into inaction.
Too much thinking, not enough doing
Keeping these barriers in mind, we can then explore how aligning our thoughts with our emotions paves the way for meaningful change.
Bridging the Gap Between Thought and Emotion to Align Head and Heart for Change
Often clients will describe a real disconnect between what they’re thinking and what they’re feeling — “I know what I need to do, but I just don’t care enough to make myself do it” is an incredibly common comment that I hear regularly, and it’s certainly something that I can relate to too.
So how can we help ourselves overcome this disconnect?
Firstly, break things down into small, manageable chunks to reduce overwhelm and make change feel possible.
It seems to be our natural instinct to wait to feel motivated before taking action, assuming that motivation is a requirement for action; but this is a trap!
We can find that we’re forever waiting for that motivation to come and it never arrives.
The best driver for action is commitment, and if we can link the small actions that we have identified to our values and what is important to us, then this can help us to develop the commitment to actually follow through with the actions despite the fact that we may be feeling unmotivated to do so.
As I mentioned above, our inner narrator can be very harsh on us - but imagine what it would be like if you were followed around all day by someone who constantly criticised you out loud…judging you and pointing out all your mistakes.
You’d probably start feeling demotivated quite quickly, and yet that’s effectively what lots of us are doing to ourselves in our own heads.
How would it be different if the person following you was instead championing you?
Holding you accountable but also being compassionate towards you, encouraging you and supporting you — I suspect that not only would you feel a lot better about things but you’d probably be much more inclined to take action.
Self-compassion is a fuel for change
You’ve probably heard that phrase: ‘Fake it til you make it’ but actually there is some wisdom in that.
It can be a very effective tool to think of someone that you would like to emulate and ‘act as if’ you had their confidence, commitment, clarity, or whatever quality it is that you admire.
When we observe others we are seeing their behaviours, not what they’re feeling on the inside. When we allow our feelings to get into the driving seat then it’s easier to get drawn into inaction, but when we focus on the behaviour rather than the feelings, then we work towards taking action despite the discomfort; over time we will bridge the gap between head and heart.
Behaviour Begets Motivation
Since we've seen how aligning what we think and what we feel matters, let’s consider how taking imperfect moves can drive real change.
Embrace Imperfect Action to Beat Perfection through Consistent Behavior Change
In this modern age of interconnectedness and comparison it’s easy to develop perfectionistic tendencies in which our minds feed us stories about the importance of getting things right.
When we put ourselves under this kind of pressure it can push us into inaction through the fear of not meeting the unrelenting standards that we set for ourselves.
But change isn’t about getting things right or wrong, it’s about showing up and giving it a go, and showing up again the next day/week/month and giving it a go again.
Ultimately, having insight is like having a map, but it’s the imperfect steps we take that help us actually get to our destination. Progress isn’t about speed—it’s about showing up and moving forward.
So in the end, knowing what to do is only half the battle. The real magic happens when we turn that knowledge into action and connect our heads and hearts to make real change even if it ends up being a bit messy.
Take a moment right now, choose one small manageable action, no matter how small it may be, and put it into practice right away—your journey towards lasting change starts with that very move!
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