"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
- Nelson Mandela
There are times in life when we can find ourselves feeling like the rug has been pulled out from under our feet.
Perhaps it seems like we are just a puppet wobbling around on strings that are being pulled by some unseen force, leaving us with no agency in our lives.
To us, the future appears uncertain and we can’t see any end to our discomfort coming up on the horizon.
Our minds have a natural tendency to catastrophize, so when we can’t see a clear way forward through a difficult time it can be natural to feel afraid, and it can be easy to lose hope.
Hope and Reality - the Paradox
In particularly challenging and dire situations hope can be very fragile, easily shattered by setbacks and disappointments, which leaves us feeling vulnerable to feelings of despair and disillusionment.
And yet on the other hand, hope serves as a motivator inspiring us to take action, to make positive changes in our lives, and persevere through the most difficult of times.
It can also provide an element of solace or optimism in the face of adversity.
Therein lies the paradox: hope is both our source of strength and vulnerability.
For some people, the sense of vulnerability brings too much discomfort and can lead them to start to abandon hope, as a protective measure, but by acknowledging the complexities of the situation we can work to find a balance between holding onto hope and accepting the realities of the situation that we find ourselves in.
Everyday Resilience: Practical Strategies for Tough Times
Crucial to maintaining this balance and navigating the challenges we face is the ability to not only protect but to continue building our resilience in the face of adversity.
During the most difficult of times, we can feel like we have no agency, and no control in a situation, so it is important to focus on what it is that we can actually control.
Invariably that means reflecting on our thoughts and actions.
Although we may feel like someone else is in the emotional driving seat, with uninvited thoughts and feelings popping up all over the place, we can start to change our relationship with our inner landscape and work towards nurturing our inner resilience.
When faced with adversity our ‘threat brain’ leaps into action to protect us; the trouble is that this part of our emotional system is designed to keep us safe when the dangers that we are facing are acute, but in this modern day and age lots of the challenges that pose a ‘threat’ to us are chronic, leaving our nervous systems in a constant state of activation.
We can use our biology to send the message to our ‘threat brain’ that “right now, in this moment, we are safe” by drawing on relaxation techniques…even something as simple as pausing, dropping our shoulders, and taking a deep breath starts to unconsciously reinforce that message.
We can also work on it using exercise - we have our ancestors to thank for that!
When we are thrown into a state of threat our bodies release adrenaline and cortisol to help us to be physically prepared to protect ourselves, this is what helped keep our prehistoric ancestors alive and enabled them to live successfully enough to produce generation after generation of off-spring, eventually leading to us here today.
This physiological response is hard-wired into all of us as it is part and parcel of our survival and life support system.
When you think about it, the challenges that our early ancestors would have faced would all have involved a lot of physicality, fighting off wild animals and battling the elements etc., and in the process the adrenaline and cortisol were used up.
But modern-day threats tend not to be something that is going to involve the kind of physicality that they had to contend with in fact, there may be no physicality involved at all, which can mean that we end up with lots of surplus adrenaline and cortisol sloshing around our systems.
Exercise can be an effective way to use it up.
It’s important to come at this from all angles - no matter how good the relaxation practices (I can particularly recommend a sound bath!) and exercise are...if you’re caught up in your head then they’re not going to be as effective as they could be.
We can work on the head stuff through practices such as meditation, gratitude, and journaling.
This isn’t about putting on rose-tinted glasses, whistling a jolly tune, and trying to pretend everything is positive, but about changing our relationship with the inner dialogue that joins us in any given moment and not allowing it to pull us into a pit of despair - noticing and acknowledging our reactions to the challenges, the uncertainty and the reality of a situation whilst also recognising and acknowledging any moments that offer a potential point of gratitude and opportunities for demonstrating self-compassion.
Our instinct may well be to engage in black-and-white type thinking but if we pause for a moment and really reflect on what is going on right-here-right-now, venturing into the areas of shades of grey, then more often than not there is something we can find to balance out the voice of despair, particularly if we step back to view our challenges in a broader context or draw on past successes to help us focus on moving forwards into personal growth in a compassionate manner.
It is also worth considering what changes we might be able to make to our immediate environment - even the smallest of alterations can make a difference - so focusing on practical problem-solving can be a help, particularly when it comes to building a support system around us.
Asking for help isn’t easy, again it can make us feel vulnerable and open to the fear of rejection, but more often than not others will help us when we are brave enough to reach out and let them know we are in need.
Igniting Action: How Hope Propels Positive Change
When we can foster hope in a situation, it can act as a fuel for positive action and bring about long-term benefits in the form of personal development and change.
Hope allows us to envisage a positive outcome to the challenging situation and this is a strong motivator for action, both on personal and societal levels.
It can help us view seemingly big, complex, and daunting issues as more approachable, encouraging us to try practical problem-solving and breaking things down into smaller, more manageable steps.
When we can see ourselves moving forwards, even by the tiniest of steps, this positively reinforces our hope, keeping it alive and helping us to keep working towards our goals.
Hope helps us to look ahead and envision possibilities.
When we can picture a positive outcome it encourages us to develop optimism, which in turn fuels innovative problem-solving through the development of creative solutions and strategies for change.
Whatever the adversity we are facing, and no matter how well we address what is happening, there will be unforeseen challenges and setbacks - unfortunately, it’s the nature of being human that the road we travel is filled with lumps, bumps, and potholes.
Perseverance is strengthened by hope because focusing on our desired outcome and believing that it is achievable allows us to keep going even through the most difficult of times.
This can be magnified when we share a common hope with others for a better future, creating a powerful force for change and driving change because individuals making up a hopeful community are more likely to collaborate and serve as motivators for each other, resulting in a collective action that can result bring about significant and meaningful change.
Change is difficult, and it is rarely straightforward.
It is beset with difficulties and pitfalls, but a belief that the desired outcome is still possible despite these challenges can give us the strength to persevere and push through the discomfort we are experiencing.
We often associate the phrase "What if...?" with worry and therefore give it a negative association - typically what follows the words "what if..." will be some kind of catastrophic representation or worst-case scenario.
"What if it all goes wrong?"
"What if the worst happens"
But what if we reframe our "What if...?" questions to consider not just worst-case scenarios but also best-case scenarios, and everything in between?
It is a simple phrase that opens up a world of possibilities and can spark imagination - it can be repurposed to foster hope!
Using the "What if...?" question in this way definitely has the potential to push us out of our comfort zones because it forces us to consider many different perspectives, but in doing so we can explore new ideas, develop innovative solutions, and challenge our mind's natural tendency towards unhelpful thinking habits.
Taking a step outside of our comfort zones often feels like a step into the unknown and our instinct to avoid discomfort can be enough to prevent us from taking action, but by visualising positive outcomes in addition to the negative ones that just automatically pop up, we move towards a position of balance which can go some way to helping us overcome fear paralysis and help us to feel more empowered.
Exploring positive "What if..?" scenarios can help us to create a sense of accomplishment and confidence, which in turn boosts our belief in our ability to achieve our goals, even when faced with significant challenges.
When we are on a long and arduous journey, there will be times when hope could have the potential to leach away.
In this previous post, I have talked about the importance and power of celebrating small victories in fuelling motivation, and it can likewise be a helpful tool in maintaining hope.
Recognising milestones...no matter how small, can bolster hope and represent "glimmers" that feed motivation and resilience.
What may initially seem to be small and insignificant actions have the potential to create a ripple spreading outwards and magnifying positive change.
This is called The Butterfly Effect and is the idea that even a tiny action in one location, such as the flapping of a butterfly's wings, can have far-reaching consequences - e.g. through the disturbance of the air by the wings being amplified, over time and distance, and resulting in a significant impact in a weather pattern hundreds of miles away.
A single act of kindness might inspire others to 'pay it forward', thus creating a ripple effect of compassionate actions.
Even if we can't foresee or predict the exact outcome, we can foster hope for the potential impact of even the smallest of our actions.
Weathering the Storms Together
It's just not possible to travel through this journey of life without experiencing pain in one form or another - it is part of the human condition.
We will all face storms in life.
There will be different flavours of challenge, some will be big and all-encompassing whilst others will be small.
Some will be very personal and a uniquely individual experience, yet others will be wide-reaching and collective.
But even the very personal and individual storms don't have to be weathered alone; humans are wired for connection - do not underestimate the power of community.
If we can be prepared to make ourselves vulnerable and reach out to others, we can give ourselves the opportunity to connect with our common humanity.
What I mean by that is that we can discover that there are others who can truly understand our experience; perhaps if they have been through something similar.
Not that we would ever wish for someone else to also be going through the pain and discomfort that we feel, but sharing with someone who also has lived experience of something similar can be extremely powerful and, at times, comforting - it enables us to feel heard and truly understood.
In my work with clients experiencing long-term health conditions, one of the most common points of distress isn't the actual health condition itself, but more the sense that they are not being heard...their pain isn't truly acknowledged.
When we have a shared experience, it helps us to feel less alone and, in turn, this can bolster our resilience.
Also helpful is to find others who have overcome adversity - this is a really powerful source of hope, particularly if there are close parallels between their challenges and your own.
Shared stories of resilience are uplifting and inspirational, so reach out to others...not just family and friends, but perhaps a peer support group or community, or even a therapist.
Having a safe space where you can feel heard and share experiences without fear of judgement is empowering and resilience-building.
If you want to do a deeper dive into hope and resilience, then I can really recommend Dr. Ray Owen's book "Facing the Storm": A Guide to Resilience.
I have attended several seminars delivered by Dr Owen who is a specialist in using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to support chronic illness, grief, and life crises.
The book draws on the principles of ACT to help you find meaning and purpose even in the most difficult and challenging of circumstances.
It is part of the human condition to experience pain, it is inescapable, but we can work towards alleviating the shroud of suffering that sometimes overlays that pain.
Although life's toughest challenges test us, sometimes we might feel to the absolute limit, they also have the potential to define us - by nurturing hope and connecting with a sense of purpose we not only help ourselves to weather the storm but can also form a deeper connection with the human spirit within us all.
If you have enjoyed this post then please consider subscribing to my blog via the form below. You will receive an email to notify you when I publish something, but I will never spam you, and you can unsubscribe at any time.
Comments